dear study hall “buddy”,

you’re the one who said this to me. on the first day of ninth grade, you talked to me. you were so nice to me. you listened to me when no one else would even look at me. you were the one that always complimented me on my hair or something. you were the one who always would tell me your secrets, and i told you mine. i trusted you. you trusted me. i think? i don’t know. you always said that i was so pretty. well if i self-harm, does that make me ugly? thanks. nice to know that the one guy who told me whether i looked gross or pretty, he still thought i was beautiful. i don’t get it. your complicated. you make it so hard now, to walk into study hall now. whenever i walk into study hall, everyone stares at me, & says “look it’s the emo girl!” nice to know that people who are older than me, still are more immature than me. i would forgive you for that little mistake, but that “mistake” will scar me forever. you don’t know how bad that made me feel, when you said that. i felt like shit. still do. you barely know me. well, you know me. just not the real me. the “school me.” you don’t know that “at home me.” nor does anyone. i want to know why you just choose to mess with me that one day. & now you just try and fix it. well, that girl you think is “emo”, actually is. i cut myself. plenty actually.  have you seen my arms? probably not. have you seen my thighs? probably not. you people from riverside judge off the first thing you see. you guys call people mean names, like “emo, ugly, fat, stupid, dumb, worthless, hopeless, fake, bitch, asshole, dick. & so on.” you guys at riverside are  rude to the sweetest people. i can be so nice & once, you piss me off then you better just shut up. i don’t like people. i’m scared of them. your lucky that i even talked to you. honestly, i wouldn’t have. the only reason i would, because you used to understand me. now you just judge. you judged me, like you would judge a book. its rude & unnecessary. you used to be so nice to me, whatever happened to being “study hall buddies forever?” thanks, study hall “buddy.” you really screwed up this time. if i want to cut myself, i will. there is no one that will tell me not too. because, it’s my life. not yours.